July 16, 2012

poem 239 of a poem a day for 2012

the valence of that Summer  

trees tame my soul
seek my body again
and again to seed cycle
to gutter sunshine
to find what’s mine
with my little cardboard sign
I made so that each car passing
knows I want more of
what they have inside

they almost always look away
I must frighten them
or maybe that’s what I tell myself
when they don’t look back
when words don’t come home
or they have become
the easy part
of denying myself humanity
because I don’t feel  
because I don’t want to feel
because I am too numb
to live anywhere
but inside a fantasy
or a temporary pleasure
as I listen to the whir of rubber
meeting the road
I remember that there is
a certainty of sound

LSD painted me
into this sermon once
brushed it inside me
the first time I took it
drove by feel like a fool
pulled over in a cemetery
watched the pinwheels
where leaves used to be
ran my fingers over
the rusted fence and
crossed the street and walked
as if I might have been
doing this bit of lonely forever and
had just lost sight of myself
when I snuck into
the downstairs window
in a house of a girl
I had once loved and laughed with
she said I was acting funny
and then we fucked for hours
grinding decades of
American dreamt desire
into each minute
clock charming the dark velvet
under the pine boughs
to come wrap us before Dawn did
I left around 4 am
still tasting the divinity
that existed just beneath
the skin of things
I just didn’t know
if I was real
or part of someone
else’s imagination


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