September 15, 2012

poem 325 of a poem a day for 2012

I have an ocean front neon vacancy for a soul 

I gather what provisions
of numbing disconnect I can
fingering through days like sand
as if they were promises
I know I won’t keep
for me it is better to be a hermit
or what the dead moss
of my electrical yearn gathers
I am a street level devil
with guttural utterances
I have learned to dance to
in order to entertain you

the stone calendars in the sky
are kites with keys in the rain
I don’t trust my mind or my heart
for what matters because
keeping anything is irrelevant
when I am this depressed
I‘m not sure what Love is
or if I am capable of its sanctuary
as the words that seem to bless me
are just the seduction
beyond any reason to come correctly
from the hard knocks when easy exits
are everywhere in the late leaning Sun
of September in upstate NY

this is where the wind wears me
thin enough to see through me
as gravity lenses my fall from grace
for 44 plus years
I have raced
to be heard
to be seen
as something worthwhile
but all I hear
and all I see
is the hollow silence
of a bell waiting to be rung
and the empty in the mirror
that looks back at me
and says you’re not anywhere
you’re supposed to be
so why not take one lasting breath
and be in Love for once with finality
last-paging a story book charm
and a warm rooted chase for a home

I sing in an eternal rondelet
of waving goodbyes
that are always almost there
the seagulls know
and rhyme their cries
into the chorus
of more please pour
for us

I am turning this sign on
and renting out the space
my soul has taken up
all this world’s time with
so one day maybe
when the message
in the bottle
tides a stop just right
I may even get to see you there
and when I do
I might even promise to
drink all of you this time
so everything you might say
is inside chance
behind the glass
on the table
just past the black
of another rabbit hole
I have jumped in
and I might even promise
to hold on tight
to what life
beyond my dark
has to offer again


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