May 14, 2012

poem 157 of a poem a day for 2012

beyond my madness I am just holding buckets of tears with the make-up of a clown in the clouds

here I am
all lies
broken toothed undone
where my creative expression
is just my ill-fit soul
and the sickness of my consumption
of the industrialization of this world

I know anybody can be waylaid
in the mechanicals
so I keep my blood greasy
prevent the cogs of that single father God
and his churched euphoria
from stopping me
so I watch TV to see how
it feeds more bodies
more ways to ensnare the spirit
vessel-ing empty into my cage
that is wired for sound
and smell to remember
that any path I choose
to be in the dark
is a righteous one
if I feel ignorance is safe

I can't see who I am
inside myself
I try to light my way back in
I try to reverse my birth in poems
from a mad womb
with its maddening lack of smiles
I can't control anything
do I even want to
seems looms are everywhere
are even in the weather
and they weave elements
of my madness
near the depot
as I hustle crumbs
corner to corner
waiting for the trains
trying to act smart
while behaving dumb
in a gathering lathered
edge of almost
I am ripe with fear
of success or that maybe
I am blessed with guile
to do something beautiful
or outlast my Love with pain

so instead
I static wail with wry words
I mimic all of life's stations
what do I know
what will I ever know
is this ever after
a forever or
is it just now
and as I can't get out
of my own way
am I another form
of facade today
or tomorrow perhaps
the latest promenaded paraded fool
that knows to lean
into formation with solitude
near where I go to school

the wind whispers to me
don't say how you feel motherless child
write with your quick wit and loins
this will keep you awhile longer
while I carve your bones out of time
and find where the bread
and circus whores retire to
as I am sure they will more
than welcome you home
if you just keep writing
your life as one long poem


1 comment:

  1. For some reason, I hear rain pounding on a tin roof when I read this one. Fascinating.